Almost birthday time

So many thoughts in my head…

I was reading something about Social Media’s glams :

Meaning people only showing the happy, beautiful and positive side of life.

I have been trying not to do that, but sure who would post photo beyond a sad face… have you ever taken a photo of yourself in deep crying ? (I have to admit I did take photo of my kids in full tantrum mode, but a selfie in full tantrum mode, I don’t think so). Is it a question of pudeur (modesty) ? Of social code ? Etiquette ?

There is so much more to life than the glam, there is the tough, the sad, the countless efforts, the moments of despairs, the happy, the success, the glorious and short moments often the result of countless hours / years of work ! There are the tears, the rolling on the grown moments ( I m not being over dramatic), the moment of laughters, the moments of calm, the simple moments, the delicious moments, the quiet moments, the I eat all I can moments, the Oh my G. why am I not able to eat all I want, control, the run, the fight…. LIFE IS IN COLOR AND ALL SHADES OF IT FROM WHITE TO BLACK AND RAINBOW…

My husband was making the “shy’ remark that I am “uneasy” “not in the best mood” “reacting too fast on the bad stuff” right before my birthday… Sure, I think it might be a family trait… thank you Papa LOL… Come on easy to blame it on someone else, I take full responsibility…

Maybe I do, or don’t the fact is that with time I lost patience for crap. With myself and others. My kids are good kids and as everyone they have their good and bad….

I say it out loud, I can’t stand repeating myself : let it be written down : I do not want them to be glued in front of the TV for hours everyday and keep on repeating : turn off this TV, removing cables or screen… super tiering …. and if hubby is not on the same page, it does make thinks harder. And no excuse : what the f… I m not going to let them watch TV because I m grateful they are not using drugs…. I love watching TV as well but there are limits between watching, binging and becoming addicted couch potatoes (including watching on their phones or computers, that’s too much energy to battle all fields…)

The problem with me is : it’s often all or nothing, I tend to let them independent and chose for themselves, they know my rules, It is normal that they try to push the limit, beyond being kids its in our DNA… and it s fine, but on matters such as screen time, personal hygiene ( girls are passed that, this applies to my 9 years old ), putting away their stuff (shoes, clothes, backpack, plates) etc I don’t want to waist my time anymore.

Thank G. the same comments don’t apply the same way to my 14, 12 and 9 years old. But the funny part is : you solve annoying things and new ones comes back pouring….

Ok, Ok I should not complain too much, all this is not disastrous… but sometimes you snap when it becomes “the drop that overflows the vase” La goutte qui a fait déborder le vase.

Well well, I started by sharing the mom’s hat…. It’s funny how you grow into carrying more and more in your life, it’s like building your muscle. You’re born with a potential in a chubby little body, then you sit, crawl, walk, run etc… each time you add something to your life you grow new abilities…. Hello I m a baby, a girl, a woman now, a girl friend, a wife, a mom, not forgetting the professional aspect of life ( “stay at home or full time mom” is also falling into into this category and I am working on making it “earns it’s stripes” ! gagner ses gallons ) student, trainee, young professional, what ever work your doing for a living… and passion, hobbies, dreams…. If We would take a photo of my ” mental muscles” I might be a good contestant in the category heavy weight champion !!! Sometime I congratulate myself for not being a fashionista shopper, not taking too much time at the beauty parlor, hair dresser etc Where would I find the time ( well I should make time for it in fact…), let’s not forget pets we have Rocky in our life…

I know I m blessed, as some would say it’s your choice babe, no one forced you to go down that road. Your decisions, your responsibilities don’t complain. Well I m not superwomen, you see this massive body builder picture, sometimes the muscles can’t keep up and you kind of deflate…

Well that s ok, that s life. You fall down and then you get up. That’ s the beauty in life, we can always build back LIFE + HOPE = MAGIC to be made. As long as you did not do too much damage when you felt down, but I think you can always find a way to make it right… say I m sorry, or decide to accept your limits, or work harder, or work differently, or start something new. it s all about life. (funny fact the song “Unbroken” of Birdy (in my playlist) started playing while I was writing this paragraph… Followed by “keeping your head up”).

So to go from the Mom’s hat to the “working girl” hat, I decided to embrace my passion, one of my reason of living, it runs in my veins, it part of my essence and it’s not an easy path : being an Artist.

I “could” (in fact no I could not) have lived my life as a lawyer, I did it for almost 10 years (add the 8 years of studies, that’s a lot). I was always taking my task at heart, and in a sens it was interesting, challenging and rewarding… but no thank you, each time I was done with my task nothing was left, a part of my soul was getting erased. Can you picture it… I don’t regret it, it’s part of me, I got the title, and reflex for life.

What a journey to finally step up and change. I can thank my husband for saying Yes to my madness… At this time, 2 kids under 5 years old, and hello honey let’s forget about the money I m bringing back every month… ready…

And this is not “transformation” “re-appropriation of oneself” you do overnight. Yes I have Art written all over my soul, but I had placed it in a frozen corner of my mind not to feel the pain of giving up on being who I was. Impossible for me to do both, I could not be artist as a hobby ! I said it once, I m a everything or nothing kind of girl… So I had to transition by learning to be myself again, while learning to be a Herbalist. This healed me into accepting to open the door to my dream, and working at letting it in and become true. Also welcomed our 3rd baby. I tend to think work and kids should not limit one another. An advice I would give to all to be parents “don’t wait” to be parent, there is no perfect moment, the best moment is yours. Life will anyway through you challenges, don’t waist time if you have the right partner, to avoid conceiving become one.

Ok If you have read up to hear you deserve a medal, impressive, you stayed in following my mind overflowing the “paper”.

Time to turn the page…. for today….. I wish you all a good day, (and night) comment on social media glam, dare to post a bad selfie, have fun ! For love, magic and dreams come true.

xoxo

Jess… @ hopeje